Kids

I really like kids...other people's kids. I have Maren and Colton who I love dearly. Not to mention Reed and Emma, who I think of as my niece and nephew as well. Tim's niece's are as precious to me as they will be when they are officially "my nieces". Michelle and Kelly's kids have always called me Auntie Beth and I have always felt like they were actually my nieces and nephews as well. So...to total it up...I have 6 nieces and 3 nephews and I couldn't be happier about that. I love spoiling them rotten, giving them unexpected gifts and being the fun Aunt.

I have friends who have children that I am close to as well...MB has 4 and I love them. Not to mention my huge extended family full of kids. I have always been the cousin who looked out for and played with the kids. Everyone has always talked about what a wonderful mother I will be someday.

But here's the thing...I don't want to have kids. Say that around most people, and you might as well have said that you murdered a stranger and have their kidneys in the fridge ready to fix with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. (Shout out to Hannibal!)

It's not that I don't like kids. Obviously, I love children. I am just WAY too selfish to have any of my own. There are days that I don't even stir from the bed until 10 minutes before I have to be at work...which luckily is about 20 feet away since I work from home and have to have that first thing in the morning bathroom break before work. On my days off, I will often spend the entire day reading a book. And when I mean the entire day, I mean I may read an entire book or three. I love that I can do that. Sure, the laundry piles up, groceries don't get purchased, I don't get a shower...but it's ok. It's just me and Tim. If he's ok with it, then I don't even care.

I don't like to think of myself as a selfish person. I like to think that I am caring and giving and all things that my friends and family need me to be; and for the most part, I think I fulfill that. But when I think about a little person relying exclusively on me, I seriously get freaked out. I enjoy my time to myself. I don't think that it is wrong, but maybe not the life that most people choose.

I will be 36 in November. The biological clock is a ticking away...and for the most part, I don't even hear it. There are times when I think it would be wonderful to see a little Tim running around or how cute our kids would be, but mostly, I shudder at the thought of turning my entire life over to someone else.

Does this make me a monster?? Most people would say, "HELL YES!" Most people however, would be wrong. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Not everyone is meant to have little mini-mes running around. For those of you who are, I thank you. Your children enrich my life in ways I cannot express. But for those of us who chose to be childless...be kind. We are not soul-sucking, selfish monsters. We just know our limitations and that we have lots of love to give...but to your kids instead of our own.